Monday, October 30, 2006

Testing 1, 2, 3...

This is the year of the Lord's favor. Favors from the Lord usually begin with a test, and He just handed Bob and me the biggest test of all.

Fortunately, Jesus has given me such a peace through this whole month, and now that we're nearing the end of October, it still hasn't waned in the slightest. I'm thinking it's because the testing hasn't even begun yet. Darn! The number one reason for our arguments usually has something to do with our finances, or it always comes back to that. And that's what our test is on. God has a way of putting the biggest stumbling block in our marriage right in front of us and saying, "Go ahead and climb over. Together. And once you do, I have blessings for you." This can either be an extremely good thing for us to do together, or it can really hurt us if handled badly. I know, either way, I'm going to be praying extra hard to keep His peace comin'.

We have no money. We got paid Friday and it's gone due to the big bills (rent, car insurance, and childcare). We got about a month and a half behind on bills while I did my MA directed practice, and we're still trying to catch up. It could have gotten so much worse than it did, and so I'm still optimistic. Bob, not so much, but that's because he really hasn't ever been aware of our bills and money, etc. Anyway, on Saturday, Bob comes home from work announcing that his car is done. Fineetay. Finished. Crap. It's his transmission. He took me on a little drive around the block and I agreed wholeheartedly that the car is broken. So now we're sharing the Pontiac. And we probably will keep sharing for quite awhile, considering we have no money. No savings. And bills bills bills. We even had to use the credit card because of diapers and gas. I have to hand it to Bob though, he has been VERY optimistic about our money situation this week. He even told me, "I think this can be a good thing. We'll save on our insurance, and we'll spend more time together. " Be still my heart. Did he just say that? I am sure that this God Test will in fact bring us closer together financially and emotionally. This is something that we need to do.

I'm hoping we'll have all our bills caught up and squared away by next paycheck. I'm praying. Then comes the next word: budget. It's funny how God works, that He gives us a test that requires patience and self control from both of us (which neither one comes close to our strongest traits). God is working something in us, something I am definitely aware of, something deep. Bob and I were sitting on the couch this weekend, talking about money, or lack thereof. I said something about how I am not worried about it (and it's not a lie!) and Bob said, "That's because you found a peace with yourself about it." I corrected him and said,"not witih myself, but with God," and he said, well, okay, with God. I point this out because I hadn't told him that I had a peace with God this whole month about our financial situation, but it has gotten to the point that it is visible in me. Bob also went to church this Sunday without me saying a single thing. It was good too, and I was able to apply the sermon to our situation. I love it when I can do that. He also put his Bible in his work van this morning, so he can read it and think about God more.

This test could possibly be our biggest breakthrough together, and instead of being worried about our money troubles or stressing, I am excited. Completely and truly excited for this test.
I want to talk to someone about it, like Michelle or Roberta or Deb, and tell them what I believe this test will do for our lives. The potential it carries!! I don't know how long this test may last, how hard it will get for us, but I know one thing- God will honor my heart after it's all through. I will turn to Him in hard times, I will never stop believing that God wants more for my life than just skimming paycheck to paycheck. He wants SO much more for me and Bob. I never worried about tests in school, and I won't worry about this one either. God won't dish out anything He knows we can't handle. But let me tell you, once this test is done, I'm gonna sit back and enjoy the blessings!

A Prayer
Oh Lord, thank You for everything that You have given us. Our health, our children, our home, everything. I pray for Your supernatural strength and patience for this test You've given us. I also pray for Your wisdom for Bob and I to use for our finances. I pray for Bob, Lord, that he may not feel any stress or tension when it comes to money, that he will give his burden to You Lord, so that You may carry it instead, and that he will feel comforted knowing that You will provide for us. I pray that Bob won't feel depressed or down, that he will be comforted with the knowledge that he is a good provider and father. I pray that I will have the courage to pray with Bob outloud at night or whenever the need arises, and that I will keep my eyes fixed on You, Lord, even when my world is crashing down and darkening all around me, because You are my Light, my God. Amen

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